Etiquette Question of the Week 3/9/09

Q: My mom and dad are divorced. My mom is remarried and she wants both hers and my step-dads name on the invitation. I don't necessarily want his name on there, but since she (i.e. they) are paying for more than half of everything, I don't want to upset her. At the same time, my real dad is giving us money too and I know he will be upset if my step-dads name is on the invitation. How should I word this? Thanks for your help! - Carrie

A: Hi Carrie. I wish I could offer a solution that will keep all parties happy, but if your mom is dead-set on including your step-dads name, she probably expects the invitation to read something like this:

Mr. and Mrs. Brides mom and Step-dad
and
Mr. Brides Dad
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of
Bride
to
Groom

Notice we did not use the phrase "at the marriage of their daughter". No matter how close you are to your step-dad, you are the daughter of two people: your mom and your dad. It's okay to list every ones names...you should just steer clear of using "daughter" to describe yourself.


Now, if your mom is willing to reconsider the wording in order to spare your real dad's feelings, then the appropriate way to word the invitation would be:

Mrs. Brides moms name and
Mr. Brides dads name
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Bride
and
Groom

Your mom could even consider meeting in the middle and wording the invitation something like this:

The Smith family and the Jones family
request the honor of your presence
at the marriage of
Bride
and
Groom
(Smith family being your step-dads last name & Jones being your dad's last name)
This would include your step dad (assuming your mom took his name) and your dad without specifically naming each man. It helps soften the blow...a little!

Hope that helps!

Stephanie

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